The No Child Left Behind (NCLB) education reform legislation of the GW Bush presidency has left its mark on Iowa boys & girls sports in a way none could have imagined. The Federal Department of Redundancy Department ruled that in order to comply with the reform law, Iowa was forced to merge its venerable IHSAA (boys) and IGHSAU (girls) governing bodies for interscholastic sports. Heretofore Iowa was the only state with two groups overseeing high school sports.

IGHSAU Executive Director Mike Dick was stunned by the development. He asked, “What’s next, boys and girls attending class together? Or sharing the stage in plays and musicals? Or being on the same student council? Gimme a break. We absolutely need separate governing bodies with different rules, logos and sponsors!”

IHSAA (Boys’) boss Richard Wulkow tempered his remarks, lamenting the loss of tradition and gender identity. “It’s truly sad that middle-aged men will no longer govern girls’ sports in Iowa. I mean, who can these young women look to now for role models?”

Counterbalancing the gloom of the formerly embedded silos of sports governance were the title sponsors of the gender-specific set up. Sources close to the sponsors said off the record that they are licking their (pork) chops at the newfound sponsoring opportunities.

While there is no name yet for the unified governing body, rumors abound. A name under strong consideration is the Iowa Sports Association, brought to you by FarmBureauPizzaRanch IowaBankersAssociationCasey GeneralStorePorkProducers.

Under the proposed title, championship trophies would no longer have room for the name of the winning school. Queried about the school name omission, an anonymous inside source said, “Immaterial. Besides, if we can’t afford two sanctioning bodies to perform the exact same function, how can we afford to put school names on trophies?”